Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The New Story of My Life

Finally! Finally, I have permission to step out of my old story.

My Old Story:

A story of a little girl who was needy,
Born to a family who needed someone to need.
A little girl laden with life’s challenges early,
Before she understood the difference between challenges and life.
A little girl who thought she needed others to think for her.
A beautiful little girl.
A beautiful family.
A beautiful story.

A Story …

It is time and the opportunity is here
For me to write a new story.

My New Story:

A story of a strong, competent, free woman,
Living in a world that needed her light.
A woman accepting life’s challenges late,
After she understood there was no difference between living life and hunting treasure.
A woman who loved her ideas, and loved thinking them.
A beautiful woman.
A beautiful life.
A beautiful story.

A Story . . .

The truth of either of these stories
Lies in the seeker looking for the story.
The pen that writes them and interprets them
Is the pen that spins them.

The truest part of both of these stories
Is that I’m the one who holds the pen
And the one who creates the vision.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Growth is a Process - Not an Event

For the last year and a half, I have focused much of my energy towards getting my master’s degree. I have been reading, writing, meditating, tracking, rating, dancing, volunteering, nurturing, talking, speaking, healing, observing, meeting, soul gazing, laughing, crying, releasing, quivering, reframing, and forgiving. This process has required a huge commitment physically as well as emotionally. I see the payoff of this work in how I relate to myself and with the world.

The basis of my work at University of Santa Monica is identifying misinterpretations of reality and resolving issues. I have released negative energy associated with events or memories from my past. I have been digging deep into my subconscious mind looking for hurt and misunderstandings that I can bring forward and bathe in loving, healing energy. When issues I have stumbled over for years resurface, I rejoice thinking that I have found the Holy Grail. However, as I go forward in my life, I find myself not quite as free as I had hoped. One of the principles I have learn at school is that growth is a process – not an event.  

This reminds me of an experience that I had last week.

I was up on the hill in my yard looking at the fruit trees we planted ten years ago. Upon close examination, I found that a bore had gotten into one tree and destroyed it. To protect the surrounding trees, I decided to dig out the infested one. I began digging. It took a lot of effort and many tools. It was hard to find the roots and hard to cut the roots from the ground. I was left with a few scrapes as battle scars from my hard work. It took me a few days of cutting, digging, and removing the unnecessary debris. But my efforts paid off and the tree was finally out – or so I thought. The tree was too heavy to lift out of the hole, so I asked my husband to help. When he tried to get it out, he found two major roots that hadn’t been completely severed. Once they were located, it was easy to clip them loose. The tree was completely free from the ground ready to be removed.

Digging out a dysfunctional tree is much like digging out a dysfunctional belief. In both cases, it takes a lot of time, tools, and energy to uncover, sever and dislodge what is keeping them in place. After a lot of effort, it may seem as if the job is complete, but there may still be more work to do. If you stick with it, no matter what, you remove both of them and replace them with something new and beautiful.

Now that my tree is out and cut into smaller pieces, ready to be burned, it really is quite small and takes up relatively little space.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


I just filled my car up at the cheapest gas station that I could find. I paid $3.89 a gallon and filled my tank for $70.00. This has the potential of sending my mind crazy with fear and despair for the future. The money, health care and political fighting are spinning out of control in this country. There is unrest and upheaval overseas. Looking through these eyes is very discouraging and I feel desperate.

I also just listened to several talks on What I heard there were bright minds with innovative ideas and solutions to the challenges before them. I heard people talking of educating children in a way that honers their natural genius and abilities. I heard ideas and trends of people coming together and sharing goods and information.

As much fear and anxiety as my $70.00 gas tank can tap into is lessened and can be almost completely eliminated by the hope and excitement that I experience when I hear the ideas and plans that are out there for our collective future. It's a great time to be alive. I feel like I am a part of a change in humanity and lifestyle that will have an impact as big as the invention of the car and the airplane. I can't wait to hear the stories that I tell my grandchildren and great grandchildren.