Thursday, November 18, 2010

Yard Stick

Today I am going back to school with my all of my homework prepared. This may not seem significant, but to me it is a liberating miracle. Let me explain.
My school is set up to attend class one weekend a month. The teachers give us a handout telling us what our homework assignments are for the month. The reading and assigned papers are broken down by weeks for the first 6 months. This gave me an idea of how I needed prepare for the next month. On the 7th month, I was able to break it down for myself. Having been shown how to break the work down, I was able to do it myself when I needed to. This is the first time in my life that I was able to prepare without being overwhelmed and cramming at the last minute.
In the past, I used comparing myself to other people as the yardstick to see how I was doing. This way of measuring myself has caused me much pain and suffering. I created a hurtful habit that has left me feeling inadequate and worthless many times. What I learned from this experience is that when I have a well thought out, realistic plan that I write down; I can use the paper to tell me how I am doing. I know where I need to focus and I can leave judging others and myself up to God. That’s true freedom!